My answer? Yesterday. Or maybe even the day before that.

Babies are wired to respond to the human voice, so talk to your newborn. Photo by David Castillo Dominici / www.freedigitalphotos.net

Babies are wired to respond to the human voice. Your baby has, in fact, been listening to your voice since about 20 weeks gestation. Did you know that newborn babies recognize and respond to their mother’s (and father’s) voices at birth? (Brothers and sisters too.)

One former postpartum doula client I worked with a few years ago began by putting her fourth baby down to sleep a few rooms away from where his siblings played and did homework. Her thinking was he would sleep better in the quiet, which seemed logical. But on the contrary,  her newborn woke up  every ten minutes when he was separated from his tribe. Once mom moved his bassinet closer to the family hub-bub, he slept longer and more soundly, apparently soothed and comforted by the familiar sounds of his siblings.

So then, what should you and your newborn talk about?

(Yes. That’s another question I have heard more than once.)

My answer: Anything that comes to mind. Your baby doesn’t really care if you read the use-and-care manual for your phone, vacuum or washing machine. Or if you read your emails or a recipe out loud.  He just wants to hear your voice and know you are near, and in the process, attune his ever-developing brain to the rudiments of the language he will work unconsciously to acquire over the next few  years.

So speak up. Sing, dance, read aloud to, laugh with and enjoy your baby.  And pretty soon, she’ll  be responding in kind.

Hire a postpartum doula to help you adjust to life with your new baby.

I can be reached at 973-291-8200. Or visit my website .

Please feel free to share and to comment, below. I LOVE hearing from you all.

The quality of breastfeeding support in the U.S. sets new moms up to fail. Know the pitfalls before you give birth to help ensure you'll have success.

Did you (or someone you know)  breastfeed for just a few days or weeks only to give up in uncertainty,  pain or frustration?

Did you (or someone you know) successfully initiate breastfeeding  only to be told by a pediatrician to routinely supplement?

Did you (or a friend)  resort to pumping and bottle feeding or using a nipple shield because your baby never latched correctly?

Have you (or a friend or family member)  had one or more of these experiences related to breastfeeding?

Then you need to know that you  (or your friend or family member)  did NOT fail at breastfeeding. Rather,  the U.S. maternity care system FAILED you, as I have noted before.

Interested in knowing how and why,  and more importantly, what to avoid next time? Then click here for an excellent rundown of the state of breastfeeding in the U.S. in 2011 and how to avoid having the system fail you.

BTW: Expectant families who hire a postpartum doula to work with them after their baby is born have better breastfeeding success rates.  Trained postpartum doulas are taught to help initiate breastfeeding and to watch out for signs that a mother might need the help of a lacatation consultant before there is a crises.

Reach me at 973-291-8200 , www.tendertimesdoula.com

photo courtesy of  

She's just 4-months old and already enjoys books! Babies learn language, vocabulary, sounds, focus, and eventually, even how to read, from reading regularly with their caregivers.

THIS IS A GUEST POST BY READING SPECIALIST STACEY LOSCALZO

An experienced reading specialist and speech language pathologist, Stacey Loscalzo is today’s go-to authority for parents who wish to instill a lifelong love of reading in children. The mother of two young daughters, Stacey knows that reading aloud with children puts them on the path to long-term educational success.
 

I give books as baby gifts. To the baby. And many times, the well-meaning new parent will tell me how much the older sibling will love the book. Or that they can’t wait until they can read the book to the baby. I am always happy to tell them that I have a second book for the older sibling and that I have good news. They don’t have to wait to start reading to the baby. In fact, they should NOT wait.

As Mem Fox, the talented Australian children’s book author and author of Reading Magic: Why Reading Aloud to our Children will Change their Lives Forever, says,

“The best time to start reading aloud to a baby is the day it is born.  The lilting rhythm of a simple bedtime book on that first thrilling, exhausting day is soothing for the tremulous parents and the new child and adds to the bonding between them.  It gives them something to “talk about” together.”

Recent research into brain development tells us that a baby’s brain is only 25% developed at birth. It is all the love and stimulation provided by the baby’s family that helps to develop the remaining 75%.

Why then wouldn’t we want to read, read and read some more?

By the age of one, children will have learned all the sounds that make up their native language.  How important then, to establish the language of literature in their brains.  Babies should hear the “Once upon a times” and the structures of writing that they will not hear in everyday talk.

Experts state that children need to hear a thousand stories read aloud before they begin to learn to read on their own. While this sounds scary, if you do the math you learn that it’s not. If you read just three stories a day, you will have read a thousand stories before your baby’s first birthday.

So to get you on your way, savor Mem Fox’s Reading Magic for yourself and delight in reading Fox’s Ten Little Fingers and Ten Little Toes to your little one.  If you do, you’ll soon find that, as Mem Fox says your little one will

“snuggle in tight and fall asleep with a head full of thinking, a heart at peace, and a brain on fire with the excitement of books.”

And who doesn’t wish for that?
 

Reading specialist Stacey Loscalzo knows that reading aloud with children puts them on the path to long-term educational success. So please don't wait to begin reading to your new baby.

An experienced reading specialist and speech language pathologist, Stacey Loscalzo is today’s go-to authority for those who wish to instill a lifelong love of reading in their children. The mother of two young daughters, Stacey knows that reading aloud with children puts them on the path to long-term educational success. Working with parents, schools, bookstores and community organizations, Stacey provides a range of consulting services, from reading assessments and customized reading lists based on a child’s particular interests to parent workshops and professional development training for teachers. Stacey is well regarded for her fresh, current and quality children’s literature recommendations.

Contact Stacey at sloscalzo1@gmail.com.

Check out Stacey’s website for more information about her services.  And visit  her blog (and subscribe) for fun and insights about reading and children… and more!

Contact Elaine at 973-291-8200. Email elaine@tendertimesdoula.com. Visit my website here.

Scroll over the “SHARE”  icon, just below, to follow Tender Times Doula on Facebook and recommend this post to a friend.

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Reading specialist Stacey Loscalzo knows that reading to your baby fosters a lifelong love of books and learning and puts them on the path to long-term educational success.

An experienced reading specialist and speech language pathologist, Stacey Loscalzo is today’s go-to authority for those who wish to instill a lifelong love of reading in their children. The mother of two young daughters, Stacey knows that reading aloud with children puts them on the path to long-term educational success. Working with parents, schools, bookstores and community organizations, Stacey provides a range of consulting services, from reading assessments and customized reading lists based on a child’s particular interests to parent workshops and professional development training for teachers. Stacey is well regarded for her fresh, current and quality children’s literature recommendations.

Contact Stacey at sloscalzo1@gmail.com.

Check out Stacey’s website for more information about her services.  And visit  her blog (and subscribe) for fun and insights about reading and children… and more!

Contact Elaine at 973-291-8200. Email elaine@tendertimesdoula.com. Visit my website here.

Scroll over the “SHARE”  icon, just below, to follow Tender Times Doula on Facebook and recommend this post to a friend.

Have Tender Times blog posts delivered to your inbox. Click on “Sign me up” at the top of the right column.

Elaine Petrowski PCD, is a certified postpartum doula and a member of Doulas of North America.

The new moms I work with are often hard-pressed for time to eat. They marvel at how amazing it is that this new little person can take up so much time… including their own time to plan and eat a decent meal!  After sleeping, food needs to be at the top of the “must-have” list for new mothers (and fathers).

One idea: If you haven’t delivered your baby yet, plan a cooking party with some close family or friends and fill your freezer with individual portions of your personal favorites like meatballs, chili, lasagna (meatless or not).  Clients tell me this is like finding gold in the freezer after baby arrives! Or hire a doula, who, if you ask, will gladly cook up a pot of soup or chili that you can eat several times. My motto when I cook for clients: cook once, eat at least twice!

Here are some ideas for quick and nutritious meals for those first few weeks or months of life with a new baby.

1. Eggs. If you like eggs, hard boil a half dozen and have them at the ready to eat out-of- hand or turn into egg salad. If you have just a few more minutes or a helper to chop, make  a huge frittata with lots of sauteed veggies.

A frittata, with lots of sauteed fresh veggies added, can make a fast, nutritious meal for new moms (and dads), according to postpartum doula Elaine Petrowski.

Frittata  will keep well in the fridge, so tonight’s leftovers will be lunch tomorrow

2.  A protein shake. Look for non-soy based protein powder, available at Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, Vitamin Shoppe etc. Add water, a handful of frozen organic strawberries, 1/2 frozen ripe banana, or some mango, peaches or blueberries. Enrich with  a splash of milk, almond milk or apple juice. Whir in blender, pour into a glass, insert straw and drink. Five minutes to create a meal-in a-glass and consume a serving or two of fruit.

3. Nut butters on whole-grain toast or apple or banana slices. Think variety here — almond, cashew and sunflower seed butters can be a great change from peanut butter.

4.  Soup.  Ask your partner, mother, friend, sister or doula to make up a batch of your favorite soup. Something with protein to keep up your energy is important – chicken soup, albondingas, pea or lentil all come to mind. Freeze individual portions and heat for lunch or dinner with a piece of fruit, a nibble of cheese, and some whole-grain bread or crackers.

5. Quesadillas.  Keep flour or corn tortillas in the freezer. Spread with canned, seasoned refried or black beans and/ or cooked chicken, sliced olives, shredded cheese. Brown in a non-stick fry pan and enjoy with a store-bought salsa.

Do you have a favorite healthy quick meal to share with other new moms? Please post in the comments section.

Contact Elaine at 973-291-8200. Email elaine@tendertimesdoula.com. Visit my website here.

Scroll over the “SHARE”  icon, just below, to follow Tender Times Doula on Facebook and recommend this post to a friend.

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With those facts established, the best advice for those who plan to breastfeed: Educate yourself  about how breastfeeding works BEFORE your baby is born.

2. Start  HERE. And then go

3. HERE to get the info you need to get breastfeeding off to the right start.

4. Find a lactation consultant HERE.  It’s wise to connect by phone with an LC  you are comfortable with and who makes house calls in your area, before you have your baby, just in case you need assistance.

5. And please, hire a postpartum doula.  (Call me if you live in Northern New Jersey 973-291-8200)  A postpartum doula will come into your home and help you get breastfeeding off to a good start.  TIP: Before you hire a doula, ask about training and experience helping breastfeeding moms.

6. Finally, when  you are given formula at the hospital (and most likely, you will BE)  just say “NO.”

BTW: If you already did have a hospital birth in the U.S. did you receive a “gift pack” of formula?

Email me at elaine@tendertimesdoula.com; visit my Facebook page.

A postpartum ( after birth) doula can teach you about normal infant behavior and help you enjoy the first few weeks after your baby is born.

Wandering around Facebook the other day I noted a funny post from Breastfeeding Arts,  a wonderful local lactation consultant I know.  With  humor, she suggested that the new moms reading her status updates step away from their screens and instead, take a nap.

I repeat her suggestion here for all reading this.

The absolute best, proven way for parents of newborns to get some sleep is to sleep when their baby sleeps.

Why?

The new little person in your house has no built in clock, no regard for day and night. (BTW: This is TOTALLY NORMAL NEWBORN BEHAVIOR.) That new little person also requires frequent feeding to gain the body mass and develop the neurological  capability to EVENTUALLY (but not likely now) put in longer hours of sleep. (BTW: This is TOTALLY NORMAL NEWBORN BEHAVIOR.)

And new parents have no crystal ball to know if  their new baby will chose “tonight” or “later” to be fussy, hungry or just wide awake for no reason! (DITTO- NORMAL NEWBORN BEHAVIOR.)

You will see this same sleep mantra  is repeated on my website.  And, should we work together as client and postpartum doula, you will hear me say it time and again.

Sleep when your baby sleeps.

Yes, I know you are busy. Yes, I know the days at home with a new baby may leave you feeling isolated and needing contact with your friends, job and family. Yes, I know you have older kids. (If so sleep during the day, when the older siblings are at school. If they are small enough to be home, for heaven’s sake – don’t give up their nap or rest time! And by all means, cash in on a few play dates for the older kids so you can rest.)

Sleep becomes your most precious commodity in the first few weeks and months of a baby’s life. So, if you must, divide the time when your baby is sleeping between naps and chores or emails.

But sleep for YOU must come first.

If you anticipate your baby will sleep about two hours or so between feedings, take a nap for the first hour and set the alarm to wake you so you can catch up on whatever is pressing during the second hour of your baby’s nap. You might even decide to give up that email check (phone call, laundry etc.) for another few minutes of precious SLEEP.

Please share your best sleep suggestions for new parents below in the comments box.

If so, here’s an opportunity for October, which happens to be “Attachment Parenting Month.” Mothering magazine features an online shop where you can buy books and reprints at a discount to  explore the subject of attachment parenting to see if it makes sense for you and your baby and family.

As discussed here before, you may want to investigate several different parenting books or schools of thought to decide which one will work best for you and your partner.  But this would be a great place to start.

And if you care to share your favorite ‘school of parenting’ thought, feel free to comment.

Email me at elaine@tendertimesdoula.com; visit my Facebook page.

Isn’t it ironic that for many it’s so easy to bring children into the world without having a clue about how to parent them once they arrive?

Is that OK?  Why aren’t we all required, as part of our education, to take parenting lessons? Like history? Or math?

Many adults claim they don’t like the way they were raised.  And yet, when they have babies of their own,  immediately and most likely unconsciously,  they fall into the authoritarian (or hovering, or disconnected or judgmental or emotionally abuse or fill-in- the-blank) way that they were raised.

Have you noticed that it’s all the rage for expectant couples to take childbirth education and infant care classes?

But then what?

If you are considering becoming a parent (or are already a parent) wouldn’t if be wise to consider taking a parenting class? On-the- job-training for what is, let’s agree, one of the most important roles you will take on in life.

At the minimum, why not read a book or two about different viewpoints on parenting with your partner and decide on a style of parenting, together, early in the game? Maybe even before your first baby arrives?

Spend some time discussing what style of parenting seems to make the most sense to you both?  What feels right in your gut? How do you want to “be” with your children, right from the start?

Here are  just a few suggestions to get you started:

Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (STEP) www.tiredofyelling.com, ( in Northern NJ area call  Aviva Schwab,  845-343-7845. ) This program, offered throughout the United States since 1976, has helped more than four million parents and educators  who have participated in STEP training classes.  Pressed for time? tapes and CDs available.

www.askdrsears.com

www.attachmentparenting.org

www.dunstanbabylanguage.com  fun site to help you learn to decipher what your baby’s cries mean.

Please, feel free to share your favorite parenting style or resource in the comments section, below.

A postpartum (after the birth) doula can teach you about normal infant behavior and help you build your confidence in your skills as a new parent.

Many families consider hiring a postpartum (after the birth) doula, but  hesitate because they are not sure if  they really need the services of a doula. Here is a brief list of just a few of the things a postpartum doula might do for you:

1. Teach you how to soothe your baby.

2.  Teach you the basics of breastfeeding.

3.  Make dinner.

4.  Keep the laundry under control.

5.  Teach you how to bathe your baby.

6.  Read to or play games with your older children.

7.  Show you how to use your breast pump.

8.  Run an errand.

9.  Keep the house tidy.

10.  Support your breastfeeding goals.

11.  Discuss normal infant behavior.

12.  Allow you to nap.

Sound good?  Just what you think you’ll need? Or still not sure?

Let’s chat. www.tendertimesdoula.com or 973-291-8200